Monday, October 14, 2013

A little's good for the soul - part 1

So there I was, sitting, looking out into the world, thinking about what I could do to make a difference to my life, and low and behold the epiphany hit me like a freight train at rush hour: I would write a book. That is almost nine years ago. Yes, nine whole years have passed and in that time I have been pulled from pillar to post, from one project to the next and finally completing a small batch of published works that I am proud off.

But here's the thing. I didn't just sit there that day and write a stellar novel. No, in fact, it took me another four years to complete a project that I stopped and started over and over again - very draining may I add. Often questioning my ability as a, dare I say it 'novelist'. Yes, I had an education, a drive that had oodles of passion, and the backing of my husband and family, but I was green, and when I say green, I mean I was beyond naive. Yes, even writers start out completely out of the loop, often dreaming, fantasizing about having that number one bestseller, but those are hard to come by.

So there I was, full to the brim with idea's the size of mammoths running through my little head, and I couldn't get them down fast enough. I read, I harnessed, I tweaked and I began gathering up a little black book full of potential contacts. The list grew and the rejections came faster than I could say 'shoot me now'. Yes, when I say rejection, I literally mean being rejected on the basis that I 'couldn't write', or I needed to 'take a creative writing course', right through to the bizarre 'if you pay us x amount of monies'. Yes, those also came with the rejections.

I felt numb and broken the first time I read a rejection. It actually made me cry, and I am not one to sit and cry over trivial things. But to have a complete stranger state that they thought I had idea's and vision, but lacked the capability, well, that hurt me right down to my core. I was shattered and pressed the dreaded delete button on my laptop. I felt jaded and useless and gave up.

Of course, it didn't take long for me to get back on the horse, as some would say I was a glutton for punishment.I continued subbing around the WORLD, yes, there is a whole world out there with potential publishers and agents just waiting for the right novel to land on their lap, but it wasn't mine.

Nope, it took me a further 6 months before I got my break, and when I say break, I mean I got my foot into the door, only a smidgen, but enough to begin what I call now my 'journey'. It was then in the Winter of 2011 that I finally began realizing that I was good enough(If I say that loud enough I might giggle) and found myself the beginning of a nice little following. I couldn't believe it, there were people out there, in the great BIG wide WORLD who wanted to hear my stories, they wanted to take my 'journey' with me and I never felt more blessed.

Now, in hindsight, all I can say is, if I knew get the drift, I wouldn't have signed that first deal. No sirree. Instead, I would have sat back, waited and signed the right deal when the time was right. But I didn't have the power of foresight and therefore signed my life away....yes, I signed a deal that meant all the rights to my work were the property for the 'unnamed' publisher for FIVE years! Gaaaah, what was I thinking?

The 5 months that followed the signing were without a doubt the most bizarre, unbelievable and God awful moments of my writing career.

But you know what, that is a tale for another time.

So there I was in a predicament. More foes than allies and more regret than joy and then the sun came out in the form of another author, a person who I call a true friend. The rainbow that followed put the smile back on my face and the fires of determination went into full throttle.

Wanna what happened next?

Come back next week. ;)


Within the Shadows

Escaping Shadows